Capitalism & Marriage

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Gift Wrapped Christmas

AKA “An Ode to Capitalism and Co-Dependency”

Here we have Gwen. Gwen is a personal shopper who LOVES to buy things for people. Gwen is SUPER single. Gwen has named her car Daisy. She lives with her sister and brother in law, guess what, Mary isn’t the only one having a baby this Christmas, so is her sister. Gwen needs to move out and has constant reminders of her non partnership, not having a baby everywhere.

Gwens co-worker is also pregnant and the movie starts off with Gwen saying to her “You look like you are about to pop.” File that under things one should never say to someone who is pregnant. 

Her new client Charlie is a workaholic widower who has a very endearing son who says cute kid sayings all throughout the movie. Of course Charlie is dating a woman who is solely focused on wealth and status. Gwen buys perfect gifts for Charlie and his staff, she gets him to break out of his monochromatic color palette, and even babysits his son for him because #codependent. #takesonetoknowone

Charlie’s gf does the tell Gwen off scene and tells her she better start shopping for Tiffany engagement rings because that is what he is giving her, and guess what, he realizes his gf isn’t the one for him, and breaks up with her. Gwen asks for another personal shopper to take over Charlie because she realizes she has been crossing boundaries. Or because she wants him to realize his feelings? Not quite sure.

Charlie takes his son to the cabin for Christmas because that’s all his son wanted, and to go tobogganing, but oops he forgot the toboggan at work. Gwen shows up at work to tell Charlie she has feelings for him, and takes on becoming the toboggan delivery person. Daisy breaks down, Gwen is then dragging the toboggan in the mountains in stiletto booties. 

She shows up at the door, saves Christmas, and guess what, he is in love with her. He gives her the gift of a snow globe. Because half of these movies have snow globes in them. I swear snow globe stock must be skyrocketing because of these movies. The end.

This move gets a C+

Holiday movies so white scale 10

Predictability scale 9.9

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Four Christmases and a Wedding

Chloe is single. Chloe is asked out by perfectly nice co-worker at the beginning. She turns him down, and tells her friend she is not dating because the minute she stops looking her person will find her. Literally five minutes later we meet Evan. Evan is single and looking to mingle. He asks Chloe out, they have a magical evening which includes watching a holiday movie at a drive in, and they are watching a Lifetime Christmas movie – it is so meta in that moment. They exchange flirty glances, their hands reach for the popcorn at the same time. It is pretty much like real life. Real Lifetime movie life. Which is totes typical. 

He asks her to the Christmas ball, because these are quite common in these movies. Not sure if there are any Christmas balls here on Cape Cod, but I have my gown ready FYI. 

They fall in love in like two nights because love happens REAL fast in these movies, and guess what. He is moving to Oslo. Their relationship ends. Because even though this movie is current neither of them seems to want to entertain the idea of a long term relationship (LTR). Hello there is Facetime, LTR could totally work! But then this movie would have been called “A Christmas and a LTR”.

Flash forward a year later when he returns with a Swedish woman in tow. Chloe is sad, Evan regrets that they aren’t together, nice coworker is still being nice and interested in Chloe. 

Flash forward another year later and now she is dating nice co-worker. Except she isn’t so into him. Guess who shows up. Evan. Evan who regrets not pursuing things with her and tells her as much. She brushes him off because she is involved with nice co-worker. Except nice co-worker is so nice, he ends things with her because he can tell she isn’t that into him. But he still gives her his Christmas present which is a necklace, which looks like a ring box. Of course Evan sees it and heads back to wherever he is at this point.

Flash forward another year later and Chloe is single, eating a lot of Christmas cookies and feeling sorry for herself. Nice co-worker is now involved with another nice co worker. Yay! There is hope for nice people everywhere!

Chloe sees Evan’s niece, asks her where her hot uncle is, niece says he isn’t coming home this year. Chloe is super duper sad, but of course Evan shows up. Guess what! Christmas miracle! They are both single! They admit they are in love. He proposes. They get married. The title of this movie is literally 4 Christmases and a wedding, and that’s what happened. 

C- fine for having on in the background while one is making Christmas cookies. 

Holiday movies so white scale 9.99

Predictability scale 9.99